Self-awareness is so important to enjoy your life

“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”  -C.G.Jung

self-a·ware (slf-wâr)

adj.

Aware of oneself, including one's traits, feelings, and behaviors.

 

Know where your feet are

Self-awareness provides so much greater opportunity to enjoy your life. You can choose which emotions to use or act with rather than reacting too (not easy but with the work). You can sense the need, or joy of someone else's feelings and do something about it.



I guess the greatest power is that you get to make choices rather than having other 'things', people, or events decide stuff for you.

This doesn't necessarily mean you don't feel things or are affected by them , of course everyone is, it is more that even as you experience something, you spend less time overcome by it, and more time be gentle with yourself while experiencing it, this means you move through the hard stuff with less bumps and hopefully with less scars and more peace.

So how do you become self-aware? listen to you!
Listen to your thoughts, notice your actions and feel your body react to different events, stimulae, things. Music for example, what music promotes peace for you? Anger? Passion? Sadness? Reminicing? You cold ask who to these questions and what and when and how as well.

All of this noticing develops your self-awareness.

Be aware of the blue sky, the sand, and the sounds (Rangi Point)

You may have heard of Emotional intelligence or EQ. Self-awareness among others and in relation to others and how they are experiencing all of the above is a loose way to define this. My friend Jasbinder Singh has very many clues in this arena.

It is something always useful, ever present with opportunities for growth and the result of a little effort, is a greater enjoyment of life!

Take care of each other
Richard
Richard Kerr-Bell
EnjoyYourLifeBook.com     agodoflove.com      verycapablenz

Restoring Relationships

-->It is of practical value to learn to like yourself. Since you must spend so much time with yourself you might as well get some satisfaction out of the relationship.

One of the moments in teaching I remember made a deep impact on me was this, I set the task for students using a matrix to view their lives through the eyes of another. In this list of others included, grandparents, teachers, mum, dad, brothers, sisters, coaches and another column the student could fill in.

It takes all sorts to make our lives better

One particular student had me down in the teacher section and had written that she didn't think I liked her. It wasn’t the truth but she had thought this was the case. With some of the trust I had built and at least approachability, she was able to write this, and I was able to read it. I very much appreciated her feedback and asked why she had written this down. She explained that I always seemed to tell her off. This was true, she had a louder voice than others and became excited very quickly.

I was very appreciative of this conversation and changed how I managed her in future. During this chat I also explained why I did what I did and reassured her that I did not think I'll of her in anyway and in fact appreciated her willingness to answer questions and share her work with the class. We agreed a different way to manage her when she got loud and things went very well after that.

One lecturer I once had in my life used to repeat the phrase, “Speaking the truth with love” and that has stayed with me. I have benefited from it (as above) and been able to use it as I have needed and it allows each of us to maintain our dignity while saying what we feel needs to be said to restore or improve the relationship.

When we own our mistakes we can take action to get back to a better place.

Take care of yourself and each other

Richard 

Richard Kerr-Bell

RangiPoint.com     EnjoyManagement.com     AGodOfLove.com

Enjoy a bigger World

What can we learn from zoo animals?

I am of course referring to Madagascar 3. We took our children last weekend and I really enjoyed it. One of the biggest reflections I took out of the movie( as well as some great laughs) was form the final scene. The animals had traveled the world and this movie, found their way to Europe and joined the circus.

In the end they made their way back to New York and their ‘home’ the zoo. They soon realised that living in the zoo was not what they thought it would be. It had somehow lost some of what they remembered it to be.

What actually happened of course, was that as well as some small changes in the zoo, they had changed. This is big.

They had experiences that changed the way they saw the world. It was much bigger, much richer, filled with colour, other animals and people, beliefs, values, hopes and dreams, all different to what they had ever experienced.

This is also how world and some of what I as a counsellor teacher tries to do for our wonderful children is give them experiences and thoughts and ways of being in the world that helps them appreciate the enormity of life, the expansive possibilities for them. That life is always so much more than our problems, our troubles, stresses and conflicts, Yes it is all of these, AND it is more than this too.

If we experience trust and care and love and learning in a way that is new, refreshing and uplifting, we may return to old ways or relationships, but we will always know that there is more, and that the world is bigger. Hopefully they may never wish to return to the zoo made of their own limitations, put downs and criticisms, or those others have put on them.

Enjoy a bigger world.

Richard

Richard Kerr-Bell

Rangipoint.com      EnjoyManagement.com     AGodofLove.com       TheWorldInStory.com

Journeying Together “It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” –Ernest Hemmingway 

Ida Valley –Central Otago

 We are all on our own journeys, what we do for others on the way makes each of our journeys more satisfying, more worthwhile, and more comfortable. 

In many ways each of us travels alone in life. Yes we have our family and friends, and the many other social and functional groups and communities or teams we are a part of but in the end, our experience of life is lived within our body and our brain. 

Travel can be challenging because it is full of change. And even if we live in the same house in the same street, we are surrounded by the experience of change. We get older, gain new jobs or new problems to solve or accept. Sickness can affect us and also those we love. Neighbours change and the trees grow, the houses are either refurbished or they get older and thus change as well. 

Anyone who has traveled far form home knows it is not always comfortable. It can include a funny bed or pillow, too hard or too soft, a language we don't understand and money that we aren’t sure if we are spending too much or too little. Road rules, smells, food, noises and seasons, all of these can change, they can be both beautiful in their difference, and stressful in their difference. 

What makes it manageable and actually enjoyable? 

Kind people. Kind and welcoming actions that notice we need directions, that we look sad, or they might join our celebrating, provide words of encouragement and attempts to listen to us, or to speak my language. Life is a journey fir all of us. We make it with others. When we take the time and make the effort to be kind life becomes more than just tolerable, it fills with possibility and brings out the best in us, and we all have lots of ‘best’ to enjoy. 

Grab a copy of Enjoy Your Life and take care out there

Richard 

Richard Kerr-Bell    RangiPoint.com     AGodofLove.com     EnjoyManagement.com

The Spinning Cornflake

I am currently reading a book called, “Writing Life Stories:How to make memories into memoirs, ideas into essays and life intoliterature” 

The humble cornflake

Many of the early lessons are to teach the readers to challenge themselves to stop interrupting stories with pronouncements, explanations and analysis. The idea is to stay in the moment, to keep the reader involved in the story not distracted by other pieces of information.

It got me thinking about the many times we make excuses, give bland descriptions of life rather than the details that make life interesting. When we start sharing powerful or enlightening moments we lift everyone, and it is far better than, the response given by the son of the mother in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. “Where are you going? Nowhere, who are you going with, “no one, what are you going to do? Nothing.”

Sharing our lives helps get to know each other better, get to realise our experiences and struggles are not too different to each others. This increases a sense of belonging and compassion, it teaches children to value the small life experiences and discover life on a day to day basis. It is also reassuring that life is ok, alright, at least most of the time.

A good friend of mine, Garry Clark once spotted his young son’s cornflake hanging off his pushchair by a thin thread of milk and baby dribble and pointed out how amazing it was that this thing was spinning on the end of the line of saliva with his son so focused on it.

Life is everywhere, share it, all of it, listen, be open and we can add life to our lives.

Richard Kerr-Bell

EnjoyManagement.com           RangiPoint.com              AGodoflove.com

Saying Sorry to Enjoy Life

Learning to say sorry is a skill that everyone needs in their relationship toolkit as we journey together in life.

The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway.  ~Henry Boye

When I worked with guys on probation one of the key discussions was that you actually had to go out of our way (99% of the time) to do something wrong or that courses conflict. Doing what you do and going about your business while letting others go about theirs did not create conflict or trouble (99% of the time). So one of the challenges was just that, to go about your business and allow others the courtesy to go about theirs.

When you realize you've made a mistake, make amends immediately.  It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.  ~Dan Heist

I have never eaten a crow cold or warm but it is not something that immediately appeals to me. Apologizing isn’t much different and I think that is what Dan Heist is getting at. The task of accepting that I played a part in hurting someone or causing them pain is unsettling and difficult but eating the crow or saying sorry is far easier as soon as you realise and accept you played a part in it rather than arguing, withdrawing and waiting.

Cold Crows I am guessing do not taste nice. Say sorry sooner rather than later.

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.  ~Paul Boese

If we do not think we are all to blame or that we didn’t mean to cause the harm we have we can at least say sorry for our part and mean it. By saying sorry we all get he chance to move on and is the beginning of the rebuilding of trust.

To enjoy your life even more, be prepared to say sorry when you get it wrong which we all do.

Go on eat your crow warm!

Richard

Go well :)

Rangipoint.com               EnjoyManagement.com               AGodofLove.com

Enjoy Being an Adult

“The way is not in the sky. The way is in the heart.”-Buddha

To fully enjoy your life take an honest and humble look at who you are, what you can do and can't do and what you want to do. Be an adult and take responsibility for your life, in fact take 100% responsibility!

Choose to enjoy your life

At least give 100% to the things you can control. The trap is to commit 50% expecting other to do the rest but that is under achieving, give 100% of what you can and then with pride and integrity you can stand back and say, "I have done my part, I have given my all".

I love that sports cliche, "leave nothing on the field", it means you are totally involved. You deserve to be treated with dignity, with respect it doesn't matter who it is you are working with or dealing with. You deserve it, accept nothing less and give the same dignity to others. This does not mean mistakes, miscommunication, or poor decisions will be made, it does mean that you will accept your part and apologize or seek to put right that which you can.

Last night I attended the Professorial address of a friend at Puketeraki Marae, her daughter we learned, had organised it to ensure it ran well and that everyone involved came out of it with distinction, the people, the Marae, and her mum. This is not just love in action, it is taking responsibility and being a person of action, playing one's part to the best of one's ability.

Relationships of all kinds test our 'adult-ability' (my new word I made up) and how far we have come is measured within our responses to the many challenges and decisions we must make. The right decision does not always leave us or others feeling good or happy, but it must leave our and others dignity intact.

Enjoy your life by being an adult. If you are stuck check out these guidelines:

• Ask for what you want (don't assume others can read your mind, body language, or emotions)
• Accept your part in an achievement and the recognition you receive
• Accept your part and seek to offer your sincere apology for offense caused
• Accept that you have a right to life, to being respected and to be heard and take action accordingly
• Understand your gifts and strengths and use them
• Know that your example is powerful, many times others will look to you for guidance and you will knot know it, they will a take your lead from your actions
• We are human and share more in common than we do apart
• My difference is not a weakness or a mistake, it is a gift and a treasure to be shared, a strength and deserving of respect
• As an adult you have a duty of care for others and for yourself, in mind, body, spirit, and family however you conceive this to be.
• You will not have all the answers, nor do you need to, ask for help when you need it.
• You are all you need to be, you lack nothing. What we all seek is a greater expression of our gifted-ness and the experience of being fully alive.

Take good care
Richard

Richard Kerr-Bell
AGodofLove.com     EnjoyManagement.com     RangiPoint.com